New York Times  Bestselling Author

The Writer's Brain is a Weird and Exhausting Thing

cactus earplugA few nights ago when I was getting ready for bed, I had a nighty-night pill and my earplugs waiting for me on my nightstand. Not thinking, I reached for an earplug and my bottle of water, catching myself when I had the earplug an inch from my mouth (which is much better than the time I nearly swallowed my dog’s pill; I really need to pay attention to what I’m doing!).

As I realized my error, the following scenario took less than twenty seconds to run through my mind:

I swallow the earplug. It gets its soft, foamy mass stuck in my windpipe and I can’t breathe. I run into the dining room where John is working at his laptop and try to demonstrate that I need the Heimlich maneuver. How would I do it?? Omigod! Could I ever make him understand what I need? Would I have time to write down that I had an earplug stuck in my throat?? Would there be a pen nearby? Would I try to Heimlich myself, throwing my midsection across the back of one of the dining room chairs? Aren’t the chairs too tall? Would John think I was joking around? Would he be so absorbed in his work that he never looked up at all? Would I have to beat on his head to get him to notice my duress? Would I eventually collapse and die? Would the article in the paper read Local Author Chokes to Death on Earplug? How totally humiliating!

This is what it’s like to live inside my brain. If you are not a fiction writer, enjoy your sanity!

6 Comments

  1. Margo on August 29, 2010 at 1:31 pm

    LOL DIANE!!…I know its really not funny to think you almost swallowed an ear plug, but the way you tell the story is beyond laughing out loud, I almost wanted to roll on the floor with laughter!…you’re too much…(-O:

  2. Margo on August 29, 2010 at 2:12 pm

    I am not a writer, however I have imagined all kinds of scenarios from little events that have happened to me…Diane, that is why you are the incredible author that you are…you have the most fantastic imagination I’ve ever known someone to have…and from that develops these wonderful novels that you share with the world.

  3. Beverly on August 29, 2010 at 2:13 pm

    Oh, how I understand completely! Glad you caught the earplug before it was done!

  4. brenda on August 29, 2010 at 2:14 pm

    your brain has to get tired…just kidding. what a scenario…Things like that go through my mind…when something happens to me…worst case scenario…

  5. Ann Weightman on August 29, 2010 at 3:08 pm

    I now understand the life of a fiction writer. Right. You amaze me. What an imagination and talent you have to turn these thoughts into the wonderful books that you write. You’ll be doing this when your 80 yrs. old. I don’t think it’s something you can suddenly turn off. How wonderful that will be for the rest of us. P.S. Before I realized what that picture was , I thought “is this Diane’s version of a bottle tree. Karen White will love it.”

  6. Audrey Bonnell on August 29, 2010 at 4:11 pm

    Dianne, You always bring a smile to my world. I see these things in my head too but I could never make them sound like this on paper. I beleive that your gift is a God given talent. Keep up the good work and sure am glad that you didn’t swallow that earplug.

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