And I was the turkey.
I met with a neurologist this morning and had a very thorough exam. He informed me I would have a “busy few days” ahead of me. He wasn’t kidding. Within minutes, a “scheduler” had reams of paper prepared for me, outlining my testing appointments as well as instructions on how to prepare for each of the tests. I then scooted off for my bloodwork (15 vials worth!) and then on to my afternoon test, which is where the turkey comes in.
The Thermoregulatory Sweat Test. Not fun for someone who hates to be hot, but Mayo is a good place to remind oneself that other people have it lots worse. I so wish I’d been able to get a picture of myself after this test for the blog, but frankly, I was not in the mood!
So the test: first, you get naked and put a little paper cap on your head. Then you lie down on a gurney and the really nice technician places “modesty cloths” strategically over the parts of your body you’d most like covered. Then she gives you “sunglasses” to protect your eyes before spraying a beigy brown powder on all exposed skin. She slips a probe designed to keep track of your temperature in your mouth. Next, it’s into the oven–a long rectangular box filled with lights and wires and apparently, a camera, though I never did quite figure that part out.
Music begins to play. Lots of light Sinatra-era music, although a beautiful piece from The Piano somehow worked its way in there. Then the heat lamps come on with a vengeance. I think I mentioned how I hate being hot? I’ll spare you all the mental gymastics I went through to keep my mind off the fact that I was suffocating. The objective is to stay in the box until your temperature reaches 100.4 degrees. I didn’t last quite that long, so my fingers are crossed they got the info they need.
Every few minutes, the technician opens one of the four little windows on the sides of the box and dusts more powder on whatever limb is closest to her. I felt for all the world like a turkey being basted.
About that beigy brown powder. When it gets wet, it turns purple. I looked like a giant grape by the time I was wheeled out of the oven. Then comes the shower–cue the Psycho theme music! What a revolting mess. I feel so bad for whoever has to clean that bathroom after one of these tests.
I’m so impressed with the clockwork precision of this place. So far, everything has been done quickly and efficiently and people have been exceptionally nice, as though they love their work. Plus, the buildings themselves are stunning, and being in beautiful surroundings can only lift your spirits.
So that was my day. I want to spend a little time with the Midwife before turning in early. First test tomorrow is at 7:30 am–the middle of the night for this nightowl.
Sleep tight, everyone.